iT's jusT a wOrD
i usually don't talk about this, but i just am so fed up with anything to do with love and relationships. i think i'm just not cut out for these things. the world is upside down, and i've just about had it with love. i should have stopped believing in it a long time ago, but that little voice in my head kept on saying to give it one more try, 'cause this one might be it. well, i've had it with trying. you can only try and fail so many times. and i guess that's just it for me. i'm not cut out for these things. i've always tried to be the good guy and do all the right things. and what did i get? nothing but problems. you do the right things all the time and still everything goes wrong. so what am i supposed to do? pick myself up and try again? nah... been doing that all this time. when you ain't good at one thing, it's time to do another.
i've lost all my faith in love. it's just a word really. you can only have faith for so long and believe in it despite all the things that just messes up your life. i've had nothing but headaches and heartaches with love. and i just can't hack it anymore. so there. i quit. i'm throwing it away like a bad habit. sooner or later all the heartaches are gonna kill me, so might as well kick the vice. it ain't worth it anymore. it's all crap. and i just have to leave it all behind.
i'm probably sounding bitter right now, but why shouldn't i be? i've got every right to be bitter about it. i did everything right.all the time. and still i got messed up. heck, other guys out there do everything wrong and still get it right. and when i do everything right, i still get the wrong end of the stick. so what's up with that? i'm always sincere and honest with what i feel. no frills, no ulterior motives, no nonsense. and yet i always get shredded to pieces. and what about making that person feel special? i've always done everything i could to make that person i care for feel way special. and what happened? as always, it just blew up in my face. and not only that, but i always end up playing the part of the fool again and again. and they said as long as you're sincere everything's gonna turn out fine? crap. major crap.
love is supposed to make you happy. was i happy? oh yeah. i'm always happy at first. but giving you a chance to be happy has a consequence: you get equal chances to be sad. but the funny thing was, i was more sad that happy. damn, to be honest about it, i guess i'm even happier when i'm not in love with someone rather than when i am. and i'm just glad that i've come to my senses and just shut the door on love. it ain't worth the stress you know. and it doesn't mean that i'm not happy. hell, i'm happy. no one can tell me i'm not. i've got my friends with me, i'm doing alright, nothing to worry about. i've got everything i need, my family and friends and everything i care about is doing great. everything in my life is so great, so why should i spend time thinking about someone else? why should i spend my time and effort to think, care and worry for someone who doesn't even care? all i should be thinking about is myself. that's when i'll be truly happy.
so now all i'm gonna think of is myself. i'm getting mine. no need to worry about someone else. no need to think about someone else. no need to care for someone else. just me. all i need to worry about is me. and that's way better than caring for someone who doesn't give a damn. i don't need to be there for anyone but myself. love is just a word.
posted by da_kiD @ 1:43 AM
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